He was everything I ever wanted.
I ignored his issues with his ex and mother of his child.
I ignored his controlling obsessive ways.
I ignored him getting engaged to her while he was with me.
I ignored the side chick, and all the other chicks.
When he was in and out of jail I stayed by his side. I loved him for him and never cared about the abuse because I held on to that 1% of hope. Hope that he would change and love me back.
When he came home some years back he choked me and I remember blaming myself for putting him down. At this point I had a baby by him and a child from a previous relationship. So we brought in the new year with forgiveness and moved forward.
Months went by of fighting and arguing. I helped him get his first place because he didn't want to live with me, but wanted to be with me. I guess that made sense then but now it doesn't. I ended up pregnant and he wanted me to abort the baby. I chose to leave him and keep my baby. I packed my kids up and left my own apartment. He broke in and destroyed everything I had worked for. He didn't care what it was, he destroyed it. I was done...but not really.
I took him back and we tried, but I knew there was someone else. He became distant and would pick fights for no reason. When I was 7 months pregnant he broke into my house again and assaulted me while I was holding our youngest child. This was the follow up to the night before. He wanted to leave for whatever reason and was mad at me. He had his own place and could've left but instead he stayed and forced me back to bed with him. He insisted I give him sex. Another thing that became normal during the abuse. The next morning he took a shower and I went through his phone.
He was texting other females and asking for sex. Then told his side chick who is now his girlfriend where I lived. I was done. I packed up his book bag of things and dropped them off to his mother. This resulted in me being assaulted because I tried to leave.
Still, after all of that I took him back.
He confessed he was with the other girl and swore things would be different, but I told him it was over. Though it was over he came by everyday. I still fed him and slept next to him. I still pretended I was okay when I wasn't. Christmas came and he was there, but left to be with her.
He thought I was stupid.
I finally had the baby in January after all the stress and abuse. A healthy baby girl. He was more into his phone than the situation of having our new child. Supposedly he tried to ask for me back but I said no...another one of his imaginary conversations to make me look crazy.
At this point it's been 6 years, 2 kids, countless jail/prison stays, and the abuse...I loved him. I loved that man so much I broke down. The final straw was him wishing death on me and my kids because I supposedly went through his locked phone.
For weeks I built evidence and the strength to press charges. He was charged and released. I needed proof of the threats. So I had to betray him and get proof. I got a detective to give me my ex's number and I called him. He kept going on and on, but I stayed firm. "Are you sorry for making threats?" He said yes and I disconnected the call.
By March I had moved my family to a new place and we began to start over. Five months in he found me. I was scared and afraid, but he was with someone so I figured things would be okay. He immediately started a sexual relationship with me. He started controlling me and then tried to kidnap our oldest child. Thank God the next day he went to jail.
The day he went in I slept with him and cried as we parted. I knew I was finally free. I no longer had to have sex to keep him happy. I no longer had to be abused. I no longer had to have my kids in a crossfire. While incarcerated he contacted me. I gave in and tried to fix our family, but a few months in I realized it was pointless. I started to disconnect little by little. He didn't want to leave his relationship and I didn't want to be with him.
Still I loved him.
Finally, the passing of his father emotionally changed me. I knew I had to listen to his father and do right by his grandkids. I packed up and went into a domestic violence shelter in another state. A few weeks later he was released. He waited to contact me but eventually he did. I had him on violation of the order protection again. The system failed me. I couldn't cross lines to press charges but he could harass me.
I deleted all pictures of me from social media and took down my page. I left no room for him to harass me. Finally after almost 7 years of abuse I'm finally free. I'm finally happy. My kids and I left everything just to be here but we're blessed to still have our lives. If you're in an abusive relationship, leave. The abuser never changes and it never ends well if you keep trying. Be strong and have faith.
- Submitted anonymously
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