It's been months since we last spoke. I constantly have these memories and flashbacks of us spending time together, and I ask myself what did I do wrong? Where did I mess up?
I can't stop thinking about the way you make me feel. Matter of fact, I am writing this right now because you make me feel. The word "feel" is something that not many possess, because this world is selfish and everybody thinks for themselves. I'm also thinking that I am writing this for reasons and emotions that I will probably regret, and delete it all, later on.
It's been weeks since you told me you didn't want us anymore, and I kept trying because it's better to try at love than not to. It's better to feel something than nothing, right? I don't know because I am hurting, I can barely breathe, I am asking after all is said and done, if love and feelings are worth it. Are they? It's funny, huh? I was not asking myself these questions months back because we were good. We were great. It seems that it takes an ocean of sadness to feel the wave.
I remember yelling at you, telling you that I don't want you anymore.
That I can live without you. It's false.
That I hate you. It's false.
There are times like right now that my heart can't understand my brain. I can feel the awkwardness between them. One telling me to let you go, the other telling me to stay, and I am staying.
Here I am, staying still.
Even if you are thousands of kilometers away, my heart can't wait for you to come back home. To come back to the city where it all started, where I...see? I can't breathe again. Yes, You have that much power over me. You have the power to give me life and take my breath away. I tell my friends that I am okay without you, but we both know it's a lie.
I know that it's over. I know that my bad ways have turned you away. I'd give my right kidney to have you back. I'd give it all just to be your friend. I meant it when I said it's you and you only. Everything seems and will always bring me back to you.
Because when lovers go the friendship remains. Today and forever I need my best friend back. I need you back. I promise to keep my composure. I promise to listen to you, to be there for you like always. I promise you that I won't get jealous when the next one calls you baby. I promise you I won't be frustrated when she starts doing the things that I used to do. I promise you I'll be a counselor when things go wrong. I promise to a be a friend because everybody needs one, friendship reigns and remains.
Because I can't seem to grasp the concept of you being away forever. Because I do not understand what is happening...why it's not me? I am great too. Still, I understand, love is not selfish, friendship is not selfish. They say if you love someone let them fly away and if you love them wish their happiness with someone else. So be here while I do so, stay with me. Say you won't let go.
I am missing you, Alex.
- Submitted by Jennifer Mesidor. A 23 year old editor, living in Montreal, Canada.
Here at The Breakup Queen we pride ourselves on sharing stories of queens just like you every week! Unsure about what to write? It's simple. Tell the story you needed to hear.
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