I stared at the clock on my computer as it slowly creaked towards 12:00 pm. I was starving, and not particularly craving my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I wasn't trying to spend $10 on Chipotle either. I decided I would stick with the sandwich, but skip hanging with my coworkers in the breakroom as they watched Judge Judy, or some other trash show. I quietly made my exit down the hall to head towards the parking garage. I hopped in my car, turned on the latest Ella Mai album and sunk down in my seat .Slowly chewing my boring sandwich and sliding through my Instagram timeline, I looked up occasionally to stare at my glove compartment…I decided it was time to stop being a coward. I opened it up and pulled out my other phone.

1 missed call from an unfamiliar number. No voicemails. No text messages.

I placed the phone back, and slowly closed the compartment. My heart hurt a little, but I know these things take time.

You see, I recently broke up with my best friend.

Since the tender age of 5, we’ve been attached at the hip, but recently things changed when we met…“him.” I know last week she told you that it was basically love at first sight, but I swear he spotted me first. He was winking at me. He was smiling…at…me…or so I thought…

Hell, she JUST broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years, and the whole ride to the party she was talking about how she was going to “just do me,” and “not worry about these wack dudes anymore.” Blah. Blah. Blah. I’d heard it before a few weeks prior (along with the same ole ritual of deleting phone numbers), but when I saw “him” open the door I was hoping she meant it this time. I knew when I saw her wink back at him as we walked through the door, she was just being her usual full of shit self.

Why couldn’t she let me have a chance at love just once? I’m not saying he was mine to have…I just wanted a chance to shoot my shot.

She knows I’ve been single for 3 years, and getting the guy has always been easier for her; I’m more of the wallflower type. She always pushes me to smile more, and maybe hike up my skirt an inch or so, or show a little more cleavage, but that’s just not the kind of girl I am. I like Jordans and statement tees. I’m cute, but standing next to her sometimes I just feel like I pale in comparison.

I’m a little more traditional. I just want the guy to approach me, so the only thing I have to worry about is not tripping over my words or having lipstick on my teeth. Needless to say, the only thing I had to worry about that night was trying not to stare at them as they fawned all over each other.

On the way home, she was going on and on about how fine and how smart he was, and I just couldn’t deal anymore. I yelled at her, “Why do you have to be so thirsty? Can’t you make it a day without a man’s attention?!”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I tried apologizing profusely, and broke down in tears, but she barely acknowledged what I said. She just looked at me stunned, and when I pulled up to her apartment she got out the car without saying a word.

It’s been 3 weeks now, and I haven’t heard from her.

I’ve called every day. I text her every morning. I check her social media accounts to make sure she’s alive. I even sent her an edible arrangement.


I think my insecurities just killed the best friend I’ve ever had.

So now I’m man-less.

…best friend-less…

and feeling like maybe I don’t actually deserve to have either one of them...

XO, Brittany

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