I'm sitting in my bathroom, shears in hand, ready for a change.

A change to my life. A change to my hair...

For so many years I've let the opinions of others dictate my choices. My career. My sense of style. Who I've dated. The college I chose to go to. Even where I've chosen to live...I've followed the blueprint that everyone else said would work for me, and though in many ways I am successful, I feel like who I actually am is hidden underneath this facade. How could a man fall in love with this fake person? I don't want to be fake anymore. Being everyone's puppet has led me to be known as the "nice" girl, but just as no one wants to date the "nice" guy, I'm starting to think the same goes for "nice" girls.

Nice is safe.

Nice is boring.

I'm tired of being nice.

I run my hands through my straight shoulder length hair one last time, turn on Lil' Kim's Hard Core album, and start cutting. Thirty minutes later, I stare in the mirror wondering what the hell did I just do. Big chopping was a bit drastic, no? Well...the fine natural ladies on YouTube made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal, but as I glance at my reflection in the mirror, all I can think about is how big of a fucking deal this is. I don't feel liberated or changed...I just feel like I've lost my mind.

In other words, I look a hot mess.

I make a list of products to buy, throw on an old beat up baseball cap, and rush to Target to try and get my life together. 10 different hair products, $50 worth of groceries, a crockpot, and a new pair of leggings later, and I am finally ready to tackle my new crown. At least I think I am...

As I pull up to my house, I wave to my neighbor and his new puppy. He's so damn cute (the man, not the puppy...well the puppy's cute too), but just a little too close for comfort. Plus he treats me like I'm his little sister, even though we're the same age. Sometimes he even pats my head, and swings me around like I'm a kid! It drives me nuts! 

My best friend once tried to tell me that he did those things just in an effort to touch me, but I've seen the harem of women that come and go out of his front door. I don't think he has any problem showing he's interested, when he actually is. At one point I did wish he looked at me differently, and I would try to flirt with him, but he would always look at me with this bewildered smirk whenever I tried. Needless to say, I gave up.

He walks over to say hi, and helps me carry the bags to my front door. Well, he carries the bags, and I carry the puppy. Priorities.

He puts down the bags and heads towards my hall bathroom before I can warn him that it's a mess. He opens the door looks at the hair on the floor, bursts out laughing, and asks me if I had just broken up with my boyfriend. I roll my eyes, clearly annoyed. That is such a typical response from a man!

I'm completely offended by his laughter, but I'm trying to be cool about it. I tell him no, that I just needed a change. I guess he could sense the mood change. He quickly stops laughing and apologizes for his bad joke. Little does he know, I haven't had a boyfriend in damn near 5 years, and it's been at least a year since I've even been asked out on a date. I'm hoping the haircut makes me stand out a little more from the crowd. I just want to be noticed. I hope that's not asking for too much...

He asks to see my hair, and I tell him I'm not quite ready to debut it to the world yet. He said he understands, and wishes me luck with the new 'do. I'm secretly wishing myself good luck too as he walks out the house and I close the door behind him. 

I spend the rest of the night watching YouTube videos, and spritzing myself with various concoctions and oils. Twisting, braiding, shaking and jumping around. At one point I swear it looked like a holy revival up in here. Isn't Holy water made from tap water and coconut oil? No? Ok...Just checking. I finally give up and decide to go to bed, defeated and extra greasy. If I just wear some really cute clothes to work tomorrow, maybe no one will notice. 

The next morning I wake up and remember that I really did cut my hair. I was hoping it was a dream. I shake my head at myself, put on my favorite Calvin Klein dress, beat my face, and hope for the best. I even take some silly SnapChat videos of myself, low key hoping that someone notices and sends me a compliment before I brave the real world.

As I walk out the door, I get a DM from my neighbor telling me I look beautiful. He has no idea how much I needed that. I decide to run back into the house to make him a quick cup of coffee as a thank you. I walk over, ring his door bell, and he answers with his shirt off.

Ok, I was not quite honest when I said he was cute. He's fine. Really, really fine

He winks and thanks me, and I head to my car thinking that maybe we can finally be more than friends...

Maybe...

XO, Brittany

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