Here I stand facing the same audience that watched me build our platform...

They are all waiting on a response, but I have nothing but silence. They're thinking it's because I'm trying to find the right words to say, but I'm trying to find me.

I'm trying to find you.

I'm trying to find us.

Just a few days ago I was boasting about our love and where we were headed as a happy couple, and now I stand here trying to announce to the world that it's just me...but I am silenced...you took my voice!

In the process of loving you, all of my "me's" became "us," and the world is waiting to hear what I have to say. So with a deep breath I mumble the words..."this time I choose me." I hear the gasps, and the "I told you so's," but without hesitation I continue with the words that stung my wounded heart as if alcohol was poured into it...

"I choose me, because even at his worst I chose us. I lost my identity to him, but most importantly to myself. This is hard for me, and it gives pleasure to some of you.  But just like the game of monopoly I took a chance, and for that chance I'm grateful. I've learned what it feels like to be at the top, and now I know what the bottom feels like. Landing on the "Boardwalk" with you was the most exhilarating feeling, but when I landed on "Go to Jail," I was the only one standing there...I learned that no matter how many chances you take that when you're down to nothing God is up to something," they all grew silent and now I was no longer speaking to the people standing before me. I was speaking to souls. I was speaking to myself.  

"It's with great sorrow that I announce that this journey I'm beginning will be a journey without my better half, but with or without him this journey is beautiful. In my new walk I have gained so much power and knowledge. I know what it's like to be loved and what it's like to be left! I know what lonely nights filled with tears feel like. I know what most women feel when he's gone. But you know what else I know? I know what peace feels like! I know how it feels to still somehow manage to smile when every major organ in your body has been shut down by someone who claimed they would die in order for you to live. I know what it's like to want something soooo bad, only for it to be everything you don't want. So every time I roll the dice praying for a double 6 so that I can get across the board, I also pray that he gets the same. I'll never tear him down, even though he set me on fire and left me for dead! The unjust never prosper!"

I begin to walk away and I look back just to see the crowd cheering, and out of everybody clapping and cheering I see you standing there with tears in your eyes, with that same lump in your throat that I had every time I cried for you. I want to save you, because I always have, but it is with the utmost respect that I smirk and blow kisses to the same crowd that witnessed me love you, fight for you, and get destroyed by you. So you're here to choose me, but you're too late....I have chosen me!

- Submitted by Renata

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