I laid there staring at the ceiling.
How in the hell did that just happen?
Did I really just sleep with this guy I barely knew?
Didn't I just promise the Lord that I would be celibate if he got me out of my latest pregnancy scare?
Why'd he have to be so nice to me? He didn't even deserve the goodies! He's not even my type!
Why didn't I have any self control?
I can't believe this...I don't even know this dude's last name...Hell, I don't even know his real first name, he introduced himself to me as "Black."
I run through a few more self reflection questions, further deepening my temporary shame, and I decide to slip out before he notices.
I slide my dress back on and request an Uber...the driver is 5 minutes away. I scribble down a quick thank you note with my phone number and leave it on the dresser. Throw a quick prayer up that he calls (the irony of this request is NOT lost on me in the moment), and creep out the door as he snores peacefully.
I know he's not going to call.
My hair is all over the place, just like my thoughts, but I'm too tired to care. I'm sure my Uber driver won't give a shit. It's 3 o clock in the morning. I hope he just lets me sit there in silence, without trying to make small talk.
Nope. Not so lucky...and he's fine too. In a new shiny black Camry, he turns his deep chocolate self around and smiles at me with perfectly pearly whites. *deep sigh*
I am such a hoe.
I smile back and try to straighten my hair as he asks me about my evening. I tell him my evening was good, and I ask him has he been busy tonight. He says it's been a good night for business, and winks at me through the rear view mirror. Dirty thoughts race through my mind, and I almost forget I was just tangled up between someone else's legs an hour prior. Oh well, I didn't orgasm so it doesn't really count...right? Right.
I AM SUCH A HOE.
We flirt back and forth during the 20 minute ride to my house, talking about basic things like the crazy winter weather in Dallas, and how we both only watch college football. I don't want the conversation to end, so I take a receipt out my purse from the bar I was at earlier, and give him my phone number as I get out of the car. He doesn't leave until I get in the house, just as a southern gentleman is expected to do. I peep game, and I'm into it.
I figure one of the two will call right? I'm a good catch...just single, and a little reckless sometimes. I smile to myself as Mr. Uber Driver texts me that he enjoyed our conversation and he hopes to see me again. I vow to myself that I won't sleep with him after the first date...maybe the second or third...but definitely not the first. I give him a 5 star rating in the Uber app, grab a bottle of water for the hangover I'm trying to avoid, pop a plan B that I have on stash, and head to bed.
Tomorrow...I promise I'll try to be celibate tomorrow.
I don’t forgive him. Not yet.
Bodies moving in sync
You can't come in here...
There was no glory in side-chicking or deception, only pain and illusion.
I love him for making me feel loved.
6 years, 2 kids, countless jail/prison stays, and the abuse...
In the loneliest hour my thoughts seem to always go back to you.
It's time for "the talk."