I'm going to start my story off by just being honest.

I have been naive for the past 10 years.

My son's father was a cheater from the very beginning. He would go missing. Stay places overnight. Hover over his phone. Shower with his phone. Stay on the phone for hours with his female friends, or "sisters" as he called them. "That's just my sister." Bullshit. I confronted one of his "sisters" once, and she all but told me that MY man was HER man. What did he do? Take up for her, and told me that I was out of line for reaching out to her, even after she called up to my job and tried to get me fired. He didn't talk to me for 3 months after that incident, and we lived in the same house! He blamed me for him not speaking to me. Of course.

I accused him of cheating constantly. He lied constantly. I "believed" him constantly.

How could someone who says they love me, lie so much?

He was also crazy, and would tap my phone to peep my location. but I'll admit I wasn't exactly an angel. There were times I was entertaining other men. I would love to tell you that it's because he was so full of shit, but honestly, I stayed...I entertained other men, because I wanted to. Plus he was broke and I like to eat.

Over the years, we both started to get our shit together, and we had two children together. He also had a child from a previous marriage, and we would occasionally play the happy family role. A lot of times this happy family, would in fact not include him at all because he was a truck driver. He would leave me with his child, and our children for days on end. Unfortunately, his ex wife was not aware of this "arrangement" and called the cops on me after she found out. Who calls the cops on a competent person who is taking care of your seed?! If you want your child so bad, come and pick his ass up! Clearly she was crazy as hell too. One can only guess as to why that marriage didn't work out...What did he do about her calling the cops? You guessed it...not a damn thing.

We've been off and on for 10 years, and after his ex wife called the cops on me, we were off again...but of course he came crawling back a few months later, and I mistook it for love. This time, though, he was also dating someone who went to our church. I asked him to commit just to me, but he told me he loved her, and couldn't part with her, but that she was a virgin so he would only be having sex with me. I don't even understand why I accepted that arrangement, but I confirmed through mutual friends that she was in fact waiting until marriage and signed myself up for more foolishness. She wasn't aware of the arrangement, and one day called me asking if we were still messing around. I confirmed that we were, and she blew up at him. What did he do? He blew up at me. Of course. Same shit, different day.

She left him. I stayed with him for 2 more years. 2 more years of him lying and cheating. 2 more years of his crazy ex wife.

I don't even know what straw broke the camel's back, but I finally had enough about a year ago. I got my money together so me and my children could move on, and put him on child support. He acted a damn fool about that, and went missing (again), and didn't even call his children on their birthdays. This man has showed me time and time again who he is, and I chose to ignore it. I may have been naive and stupid, but I know well enough to know that it's not his fault that I was with him. It is mine. I took off my rose colored glasses, and realized that I deserve better, but not just from a man.  I deserve better from myself. And that's where my new story starts.

My name is Angela, and I am no longer naive.