Trying To Love Me

Trying To Love Me

He wants to love me, but I'm afraid see, 
Love is deep, but not deep enough for me to seek. 
I'm afraid he will leave my heart to bleed. 

When he tells me to smile, I just put my head down and frown.
Because if I smile he might look at me and stare for awhile.
I can't have him admire me when I don't want him by me. 

At this time I create fights so he can leave out of sight.
When I tell him to leave me alone, he keeps coming on strong.
Doesn't he understand this is wrong, but to him its right.

So right that he's willing to put a fight to show me he's right.
Sometimes I catch myself saying to myself is you alright?
I ignore that voice in my head and run instead. 

I don't get very far, because he's right there behind me, pulling
me closer to his heart, as I hear it beats, it speaks to me. 
It tells me it's discrete and rather show its love to me.

I don't get what he sees in me, is it the things he believes in me? 
His love sings to me, it brings something out that belongs to me. 
Too bad it's gone out of me.
- Kaneisha Ford

Check out Kaneisha's blog letstalk206.wordpress.com! She tackles tough subjects such as depression, and women embracing their natural beauty in a relatable way.

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Snakes Aren't My Biggest Fear

Snakes Aren't My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear isn't snakes...
My biggest fear is to be left alone, abandoned by someone who I thought wouldn't leave me. 
My biggest fear is to be scarred by someone who I thought wouldn't harm me.
My biggest fear is to reveal all of me and give all of me to someone who doesn't deserve me. 
And that's why I am not ready for love,commitment, or a relationship
Because I fear that because I'm so broken, if I receive any more damage...
I will be irreparable.
- Davia

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I Found Me

I Found Me

Insecure and Jealous you made me... Lies you feed me daily... I was so gone off you, I lost me and couldn't see how bad you played me.Got used to the abuse, nonphysical but the verbal was much powerful than a blow to my head. Blinded by love and a baby, so I thought you would stay with me... 

The sex I gave you was nothing  more nothing less, a quick nut off your chest... Or should I say brain, many nights I blew up your phone searching & pleading for you to come home to us, only drove me insane. Looked in the mirror, I couldn't recognize the person staring back at me, but you was the blame, hell deep down inside I blamed ME...

Packed up my shit, grabbed my baby and jetted out the door. Drove for miles came to this bridge I can't take it anymore. On the ledge I cried silent tears to God, begging him for a sign...then out of no where I heard my baby screaming, so I hurried  to be by his side. 

My dark days turned into beautiful sunny days with hugs & kisses from my love who called me "Mommy" 
Thank you heartache for pushing me to the ledge, teaching me there's more to life than just you... 

- Tanisha Mc.

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This Feeling...(It Be Like)

This Feeling...(It Be Like)

 When I used to love him.....

It….
Started so innocent
With simple conversations
Whispered into ear lobes
Sending toes to curl under blankets
As bodies tingle with emotions
T(sex)t messages sent over phones
Showing glimpses of supple lips
Eager to kiss places blessed by God

Be….
More than a fling
This thing
(((We got)))
Minds twisted
Like barbed wire
Pulling at feelings
We try to suppress yet they
Slip from lips as fingertips
Caress pillows where you should be

Like….
Babies learning how to walk
(((We)))
1-2-step
Into the groove
Of each other
Following paces slowly
As to not skip a beat
We hesitate conversations
As breathes collapse
And eyelids close
Drawing visions behind them
Of me and you
Of you and me
Of us

This feeling… it be like… the beginning of LOVE!!!

- SMC

You Said

You Said

You said "I'll Forever and Always be Tru"
That's what you said... Forever ended yesterday and you always lied.
You said "I'll be there no matter what," but when the high was gone, like a fiend after smoking dope, you left only to come back when you needed to get high again... 
You said "l'll never ask my girl to abort my seed, I want to see mine blossom into greatness"; but when you planted the seed in me, you left cash to abort the mission and said fuck my feelings, that's what you said
Not feeling that shit, I began to watch my seed grow in my belly until he could no longer move, it's time for my seed to meet you...
But you said "that's not my baby," knowing damn well you helped create him, he's a reflection of you looking back at you, going through the same bullshit your dad put your mom through... 
You said "Sheesh..."

"Fuck what you said!"

- Anonymous

Jack Daniels

Jack Daniels

It was a taut silence in the air.
Your cologne scented the room.
Circling my finger around the rim of my glass. 
Jack Daniels on ice.
A nervous laugh with the smile of heaven.
Glaring across the room. 
We both knew your true intentions.
You wanted me.
Not me. But me.
A late night phone call
Accompanied by a glass of Whiskey and two shots of gin.
With no commitment and mundane effort.
I conceded to your wants. 
Renouncing all of mine.
It felt good. That first time.
Let's have another round.
Then come back, for another round.
But one time became one time too many.
I would never face you sober -
Because "this" was a reflection of an emotional gaffe.
The onset of a vicious cycle on a quest for self-worth.
A spare lay. 
That's the role we unknowingly audition for.
My dignity and pride wrapped up in the clothes you picked up off my floor.
Always available. No attachment. That was the advantage.
A smack on the ass, and I'll ignore you until next week.
Next week has arrived.
The phone rings.
So I poured a glass of Jack Daniels over ice.
And waited for you to come in.

- Ronny Maye

You can check out more of Ronny Maye's work at www.thefatgirlslife.com.

 

He said...She said

He said...She said

He said "I miss you..."
Which led to late night moments of
Future dreams and conversations
That eluded to her once again becoming a part of him.
Told her he missed the way
Her ass swayed
And the curve of her hip
And the wetness of her lip on his tip
Those
Walks in the park holding hands
That
Trip they had planned after the wedding band
He said "Thought we would last forever, but my guess is as good as yours. I don't understand what happened, so do you mind a refresher course?"

She said "I miss you too, but I had so many mixed emotions that I wasn't sure what to do"
See in my eyes you are perfect
The epitome of a strong black man
I wasn't sure I was good enough
Especially for that wedding band
In my past I've been hurt
And thought I could never love
But then you come along and showed me the beauty of...
Laying heads on chests to hear heartbeats
Or coming home from work and you caressing my feet
Our walks in the park
And whispers after dark
The way you would make my back dip
When you slid your tip
Where I wanted your mouth....down south
You became my compass that encompassed my world
Sure wasn't ready for that, but I'm no longer a girl
Now stands a lady wanting to be a part of you
Invite me back into your world and show me how to forever love you.

- SMC

The Breakup Queen shares reader submissions weekly! If you have a story or poem you'd like to share, please click the button below. 

Band-aids

Band-aids

Late Nights

I would lay awake on the couch

Wondering where did I go wrong

Late nights where I'm not even sure you would come home

Or when you would see me break down and still walk out

Or how in just 2 weeks you already had someone new, like our 3 years never mattered to you

Everything still hurts like it just happened

The pain is still fresh

The cut's still deep

 They say time heals all wounds

But I'm beginning to think that means everyone but me

He was the first person who I can say truly had my heart

Someone I would have held down through it all

But instead I'm the one who's still suffering from everything he put me through, and he gets to move past it all

I don't even know how to heal from all the things that are wrong with me

I can't let go, because I'm in love with someone who didn't see my worth until I wasn't worth anything anymore

"I'm sorry"

They're like band-aids, they only cover up the cut

He days I haven't changed

He Says I Haven't Changed

Truth is I don't even know who I am anymore

Looking for his love in whoever will offer it

Just don't understand how someone can destroy a human over and over like that

I don't think this ever gets better for me

But I'll wear a smile and I'll carry on because that's what I'm supposed to do

No one has to know I'm still broken

That's what band-aids are for...

- Angie

The Breakup Queen shares reader submissions weekly! If you have a story or poem you'd like to share, please click the button below. 

Spontaneous

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Spontaneous

"Are you spontaneous?" he asked her, not knowing how pure her heart was, how wild her love could get to be, how courageous she was, how blindly she believed in magic.

"Sure!" she replied.

For him it was going to the beach, an unplanned 4 hours drive. No bookings. No place to stay in.

If she was asked about spontaneity...she would surely say: "Let's meet halfway, just take the next flight to Paris & I will show you how healthy madness can get to be. Let's eat crêpes - a cheat meal for sure & let ourselves go for once. I won't ever hurt you. We can live every moment to the fullest. I can make you laugh every day. You will know what it feels like to be loved beyond words."

- Noe

Follow Noe @LiveLoveDreamLaughTravel on Instagram

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To Love Me

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To Love Me

Past, present and future is who you are, lover.
Meeting you was like a breath of fresh air and standing next to a ticking time bomb
All at the same time.
When it's good it's great! And when it ain't...
Well, let's just say he's always ready to vacate.
"Just call if you'll be late..." I've said.
And I've reasoned and thought and written and prayed a million times seeking answers to why...why am I the woman who needs so much?
Why do I long for his touch? Often.
Why do I need to be needed?
Why do I constantly need affirmation, confirmation, and resolve?
Because when there's a problem to solve, I have to solve it...
"Doing the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity," they say.
I pray, then...why when I want to talk things out to get to the bottom so that we can get to the top without stumbling over the same stupid barrier is it an issue?
To love me is to know me, is to want me, is to teach me, is to need me is to...actually tell me you love me...sometimes. 
To love me is to eat my dinner and my _________, to seek to understand me, to love the good, the bad, the ugly and to see the unbearable and still choose to love me.
Love is believing the best about you even when I'm seeing the worst of you.
But you wouldn't understand that...
That would be too much like you actually giving real thought to something or someone other than yourself.
Today I'm sad, but I don't wish I never loved you. 
In fact, I'm happy to announce that (drumroll please)...
I'm human and I'm a woman - actually the best woman that most men have ever seen, experienced or encountered - so bright that I blind men but also deceive them...
They like what they see - they like my body...and then..they see me - and realize that it's going to take more than all your richness or poor-dom to satisfy my boredom and my need to be heard, respected, loved, desired, touched, oh and did I say loved?
To love me is to feel the burn of my wildfire, see my flames, hear my cries, see my scars...and get in the wildfire with me...put it out. 
Guess I was too hot.

- Kendall

Kendall is a vice principal and a performing artist (contemporary/jazz/R&B violinist, vocalist, and songwriter).

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The Collector

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The Collector

You prowl the land like a savage, hunting for your next prey. Like a nomad, you move from place to place, never quite satisfied with where you are. Your ability to seduce has been mastered through the looks you give away and just like any good thief, you know when you’ve found the perfect target.

You smile and chant the most amazing verbs any ear could hear, but with every word you speak your venom is deposited into their veins. With each heart you break, a token is gained. Your jars of broken promises are of many you’ve claimed. Like all the rest, I’ve sat and cried but unlike them I prayed I’d just die.

For my most prized possession was taken with haste. With no regard, just to feed your hunger and taste. You won’t stop, they’ll be more like me. For your jars of broken hearts are just your casualties.

- Shelby Pressley

Born and raised in Cincinnati, OH, Shelby Pressley aka HoneyBee is no stranger to heartache! Newly single, she's made it her mission to live the best life possible and surround herself with only the people who do the same. She's most at peace when she's writing a new poem or spending time with her family and close friends. 

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Untitled

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Untitled

You look beyond my beauty

& c_o_n_n_e_c_t with my scars:

scabbed over wounds of brokenness,

disappointment, fragility, weakness & fear.

You kiss each one & cradle my insecurities.

Your prayers, patience & gentleness help me

heal. You love me without conditions &

embrace my vulnerability. Your selfless love is

rare.

I am safest in your arms.

-  Just1human

Follow @Just1human on Instagram for more beautiful words

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Him

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Him

There were times I wanted to scream at you

Scream at God 

Scream at myself

Scream out loud

But I couldn't 

I couldn't dare be disrespectful 

To raise my voice 

To raise my voice at people I love 

But I drowned in frustration

I drowned in my tears 

Reaching my hands 

Up...

Reaching out to you 

But you just stared

You stared while I drowned 

I felt the water in my lungs 

I felt my life slipping away 

I'm scared

God.

Why?

Why? 

Why won't you?...

Why won't he help me? 

Why won't he take my hand? 

I am reaching.

Him.

Why are you killing me? 

Why did he just stare? 

I'm scared. 

Revelation. 

It hit me all at once 

The rage 

The devastation

The epiphany 

The gnawing of the truth that I tried to bury

A drowning man can't save a drowning woman

Not While he's trying to save himself 

- Makini